he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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