help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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