She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
