Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
