I just made out with a guy for $7.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
