I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
