I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
