Where is the hickey?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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