My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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