i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
