I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
