Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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