dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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