this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
