Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
