I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
