i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
