come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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