He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
