dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
