Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
