Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
