Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
