If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
