I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
