I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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