Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
