apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize