He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
