two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
