he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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