Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize