Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
