Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize