Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just forgot I was standing up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
