I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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