I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Farmville is her only friend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
