I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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