Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
