why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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