I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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