I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
