It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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