vagina is talking i cant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
