I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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