you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
