Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
