You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
