I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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