No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
