She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
