she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
