No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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