please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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