I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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