and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
