I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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