Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
