I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
