it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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