in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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