Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
