Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
