he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
